ALONE!!!

I really don't get it!!! Why is this the only thing that i can do when i really really need something or somebody to cheer me up???!!!

It really stinks, I mean really STINKS and so freakin frustrating.

Its just ridiculous

I mean there has to be something or somebody that can cheer me up. seriously even to talk- nobody?? FINE- I'll say it again- this stinks-its all i can do at the moment.

You know some how  everyone has a secret desire, well no surprise here - i ALSO have 1. But i actually got a taste of it- as in i actually got it... and ... i ... so unbelievably blew the whole DAMN THING OFF!! I mean GOD!!!??? seriously(this is where u create a visual in ur head with some 10 different hollywood hot-shots giving their own emphasis on the 'seriously' word). And this-to all the people out there is the FREAKIN MOTHER of ALL FRUSTRATIONS!!

To actually have that one thing that you have always wanted- and it slips out  of your own 2 hands not to mention with a blabbering tongue in between because of your own own pea sized brain- is..is.. babe seriously there is no salvation for you(me)

The meeting that i had today was disasterous- with a capital "D" thats bold and underlined & yes don't forget the double quotes.

And here i am writing about it coz i am alone with nobody to talk coz- nobody has the time!! right!!

whinnings gonna occupy time.

You can imagine at this point of time that even i had that stupid hypothetical boyfriend who is so scared to talk to me in public would have stood me up..

The scenario is such that i know what will make me feel better..

- A pat on the shoulder

- Somebody saying- hey dont be to hard on yourself- or hey u know shit happens deal with it

- A heart warming smoke

-  Verbal unload on a good friend- and NOT THE SCREEN for crying out loud!!

- An extra large glass of extra chilled beer..

- Or even bunking office for that matter

Hmm.. you also know what definately wont work:

- being alone

- smoking(thinkin of)

and BLABBERING OUR HEAD OFF to a screen

all that - aint working..

Fairy tales- with a no ending..

Every story consists of 4 main characters:

- The good fairy

- The unintended victim

- The wicked fairy

- & the remaining supporting cast

Everybody in the world, even the people in the story for that matter, identify themselves with either the good fairy or the hapless victim..

Seriously???

Where do we get off thinking that way?? What if you are not one of the 2 main characters & turn out to be the third?? What then if you refuse to accept that you are the third character?? Upto what extend will you keep doing whatever you think is right and as long as you completely believe that it is for the good?? Or will you continue doing it just because you think that you are the victim??

Will there ever be a time when one realizes the wrong from the right?? And if you don’t - where do you draw the line??

What will it take for it to hit you in the face and say- wake up!! You’re screwing up!!

So, what then does it mean,- since you did something wrong, that you are a bad person??

And what does happen when you do realize the wrong??

This world is unfortunate or rather twisted:

We are taught forgiveness- which we don’t actually practice..

So when the bad guy, actually decides to stop and repent- we wish it to perish & we inturn deny its very existence..we choose to completely shut these repenting people out of our lives. Yes...we would have made claims to forgive, at the same time we would alienate them. Its what we want, its what we think is the better way of forgiveness

The repenting soul, now has to disappear(in an exaggerated manner) has to restart his life from scratch!! Exciting isn’t it???

To all those characters who unfortunately fallen victim to their unknown wicked strait – what exactly is the motivation for you to turn the other leaf…

- Is it – that u now believe that you get a place in heaven

- Is it- ur effort to make the world- ur world- a better place?

And of course my all time favourite- because it is the right thing to do…. Yea right and I am mother Teresa!! Whether one wants to accept it or not, but every one of us are in some way or the other- selfish. Otherwise we would have been saints then!!

So I guess the big question here is – why do we strive to not be the bad one? Why bother? Why just not let it be? I once read- inorder for the things to change around you – u need to be the 1^st to change.. so y not? So y is it that when your willing to give up everything to change, the world around you so stuck up about it so resistant about it

Lets face it- fact remains that deep down no one actually is a bad person (unless ur a psychopath). We are all driven by our emotions which inturn are influenced by the circumstances driving them.making us do what we want to do, take the choices and decisions that we take..

Then again- y are we so hard on the rest for the choices/decisions everyone else makes?

Her love letter..

tell me if you will,

Take me far far away,
where there is no one,
not a soul- just the two of us..

let me wake up to the morning wonder,
as i open my eyes to the beauty of the flowers and the trees,
as the birds sings their morning twitter..

Creep up to me as i walk about in the wilderness, and
hold me so tight as to never letting go..
keep me safe with no fear at all..

as i look up to the skies up above, and
thank the heavens for giving you to me, and
ask God to share all his blessings on you.

Never get swayed by anything and anybody
so that i know for sure that it is only you
that i can completely and truly love and trust..


maybe i dont know as yet - what love is -
but yet its only when you are around that i can truly love at all...