how much do we care?

Life as we see it- its got secs with hours and hours leading up to months and years. All through it we go through feeling alone. and that desperation causes us to be nice to someone, get close to people, make friends, etc.
But what happens when all that goes away? Are you back to being lonely again...?

No this write up is not about being alone or anything...its about figuring out- how much do we actually care about the people around us...
We have people, friends and acquaintances around us, but at all times, rather most of the times, we choose to ignore them...don't get me wrong, we don't do it purposefully- we do it coz we have something else happening- which according to us is more important.
Now that something else only happens coz these people assume that the other will understand about the lack of caring... eg. you are working- u already hate that job, there is nothing that u are getting thru that, but yet we put it ahead of most things. I have seen people put work ahead of their friends, their families their loved ones...y do we do it? y don't v give the correct importance to the things that truly deserve it...? yea then there is always this phase- where we regret doing what we did...

the other thing- selfishness. We are so selfish and self absorbed that we dont think about caring about anyone if it does not help us in ANY way possible..
So the question here is - does there always has to be an ulterior motive?? Anyways that ulterior motive can be anything from self satisfaction- to feeling good about yourself. So - YES - that is selfish.
Whatever happened to doing things just for the goodness of it all?? People forget to ask how u are doing- but u will give u instructions about what work has to be done..
People will not talk to u because they have other people they are talking to..people will ignore u if something/anything else happening. ur wife's call, ur friends calling ur kids tugging- everything is shoved aside for something else - that is actually meaningless for everyone..

loss

when you loose someone...we try to accept it...and we have a habit of taking it in our stride... Maybe thats why we ignore it, thats why it hits us even more when it happens. Its painful & disastrous & whats worse it leaves us completely helpless..
we dont know, what to do... what to say...nothing.
i completely & totally hate it. i hate the whole deal, people falling sick, people dying, the funeral, the after funeral mass, the people, the mourning, everything.
I have dreamt about death, and it surprises me the void & pain i feel each freakin time!!
The very first time I was completely devastated, was over the death of my grandfather..sometimes i feel that my parents were so shocked by my reaction that they took me away when my only aunt died...yea..even i was like spare me the horror.
Today is the 15th of november, 2009, i went to a funeral today. This guys name is Vijesh& yesterday his wife gave birth to a baby boy..& a few hours later she developed some complications and died.

The news was devastating..I couldnt help thinking about him, has he held the baby?? will he continue to love him the way he was meant to be loved? will he be able to parent him? how will he come to work leaving his baby home?? what will he tell his baby when he grows up?

This was completly completely painful....and whats worse I feel / am helpless

Work scenario at office

I am sure all of you go through this- but- I want to put it down just to feel better somehow...

The day invariably begins with the jobs buzzing in your head-the generation of a priority list, job list, blah blah blah

Then like a train leaving the station u take off (notice its a TRAIN not a AIRPLANE).
Now this is where the struggle begins!!! You so desperately wanna kick start your ur
day- its like you are frantically dumping in piles and piles of charcoal in the fuel to
boost of your engine- but then... y.. y is the train still going like the maharastra
express??-

You have no other choice since everyone is screaming at the back of your
head- HURRY HURRY HURRY- u jackass HURRY!! you stop the dumping of the
charcoal and u get down to another level. Here you struggle to figure out as to y the damn charcoal is hell bent on making life more screwed for you... so u do your bit of
rescearch and you discover- that the damn charcoal is defective. yeaa.. but
that seriously does not stop those barking dogs from barking now, does it??
no!!!!

so you get down a level further- u hunt down the supplier - ask him to replace the charcoal. Now again y should life be simple now??? that supplier has to throw a fuss -he is throwing his tanturm- and giving u a reason which is as ridiculus as - I AM NOT GIVING ANY OTHER CHARCOAL!! phew- what to do now- here u have to evaluate your options
should you ditch the guy hunt for another one- but that would mean that u have to
do the hunting (the dogs are still barking)
Should u reason with him to consider( u tried that already)
should u just go with it- whatever like!!(the dogs are barking even more louder!!)

So fine - the genius that you are- you figure out a way(ya but who cares- get the train running faster)
now u have the charcoal- but u gotta get it back!!

so now theres the other level of work that u have to do- carry the charcoal back.
As expected the journey back is as horrendous as alllll the muphys laws would state
multiple things going wrong , u have to take out your jacket to carry the coal (manually), you have to walk all the way back, you loose your shoes, it starts to rain even HAIL STORMS-etc etcya whatever- through all this u can still hear all the dogs howling away- HURRY HURRRY HURRRY U JACKASS( you could be called something worse now)

so there u finally reach- feet bleading, body swollen, but your soul rejoices- coz
u HAVE DONE IT!! u got that fancy coal. All someone has to do is send it to
the train (engine room). finally someone else- obviously by mistake - decides to help you
out. u heave a sigh of relief!!

u decide to give yourself a break- knowing that everyhting will be better now- someone will deliver the coal & the engines will move faster and those foul sounds will finally stop..... :)

so u have ur cup of tea that u so dearly desserve- and u come back in no less than 15 mins and LO BEHOLD- the delivery boys that still standing there giving the lamest excuses ever!!

Thats when u hear it- THE BARKING TUNRS TO HOWLING, the JACKASS TURNS TO INCOMPETANT ASSHOLE- THE SKIES GO DARK(only over ur head that is) u go red and say- i'l run myself - go myself & do it myself,and your 2nd journey begins. You run like u have never run before, u carry coal like u have never carried before, u focuss all your engeries like you have never done before......... and finally.. there u are-- dumping all the coal in the
fire... and the trains jumpstarts (whatever time that is)Thats when the trainer driver turns to the barking dogs and says i have accompolished so much- only with your help- i am gratefull and the barking dogs now expected to give an applause to the driver- and But still the crowd cries on- then the driver turns around and looks at you looks into your eyes and say any of
the following things:
So what was your learnings??
how can u be so incompetent??
U HAVE A MONTH TO PROOVE YOURSELF!!!
U JACKASS!!!!ASSHOLE!!!!!!INCOMPETENT PAIN IN THE..... so on and so forth...
u are disgrace to me to this organization
dont u know to work effectively/ smartly/ competantly/responsibly (that u
anu)/ etc/ etc (a management lesson ensues)
do u have brains or do u work generally like a jackass??

Everybody likes to f*k around

What makes people think that they can make others do the things that they wanna do and get away with it??? I mean aint it bad enough that we are living in a world that has bound us with all these rules and regulations that is supposed to be good for us??? We have to act a certain way, be a certain way, work in a certain way, talk a certain- it is all sickeningly tiring!! And boring!!! So what gives anyone the right to mess around with us, make us do things, say things that they wanna here and they want us to do??

People once they get close to have their set of expectations from you. Its actually very simple- if they want us to be a part their rules and regulations - they gotta be a part of ours too. It’s a 2 way street baby- you cant say or do crap and get away with it!!

Its even more bugging when these people pretend that they didn’t do anything wrong, I call these people “a*les”. So chivalrous of them to think themselves as saints of doing nothing wrong!!!

relationship hassles

friends come first...what about life is the most convenient to u?? well for vica its friends- it was very funny cause her justification to the whole thing is -"surprisingly"- when ur friends with friends u dont need to have any formalitities, norms etc, but when ur in a relationship u need to do these list of things that u dont have to do when ur firends- u have to be extra nice to this person, u need to show that u care, u need to be genuine etc etc. u dont need tobe all that when ur friends- they understand!!
crazy aint it???
so my ans to Vica is - y r u in a relationship in the 1st place?? has anyone pushed u into this?? has any asked u or forced u into that relationship. I mean think about it- of this is such a hassle y r u even in 1???

sometimes people tend to
get obsessed with whatever they have

as unnatural it may seem
that much reality is filled in it

you've always feel that-
you've never felt this way before
you always feel that
your heart is on fire
like never before

you always convince yourself
about the good from the bad
about the calm from the wild

everything is so much screwed up
that you end up wondering
what the hell is going on around here???!!

"what do i take when you have nothing to give?"
Zero expectations = delightful experiance

in life people generally u come across other kinds of people who like to take..These 'taking people' generally constitute everyone we meet..rather you can say 98% of them. So the big question is which category do u fall in...??

hi Vica

Meet Vica....shes cute..she's got this cute thing going around her also, that, sometimes is creepy, in an evil sort of way. I met this dame a few months ago, stays in the same place as i do, which i dont know if its fortunate or not but lets see. she somehow always finds a way to grab my attention in the most weirdest sort off ways.. there are loads and loads and stories about her that i wanna tell right now, but lets get the intro done 1st....Vica has this life of hers going that she so luxuriously loves to share (for some reason) with me and i on the other hand can never figure her out. Sometimes i wonder whats the deal with her and- y me girl...?? anyways on the whole Vica could be a nice girl, but like every other person in this world of mine she also lives for herself. She thinks only for herself and fails completely to see what other people are doing for her.... atleast thats what i think..
Vica is full of stories..and...they are all about her boyfriend..i think she likes telling me about them coz thats all she talks about!!!! its really hilarious when u come to think about it- thats after ur done getting grossed out!!!!
She has this interesting theory - I have had boyfriends but i really dont know what love is, never actually loved anyone-

so i dont know what it feels like!!!! hahaha, see what i mean.. more of this later...

meet crazy bitch

supposed to be my immediate superior- finally proving to me that i can never get along with any female superior. All my friends used to say so earlier, and i would be like 'i dont have any problem with any of them- its just that they suddenly decide to turn on me for some reason!!'
well in this case we started to loose the accounts that we were working on. the answer for this was- its her fault. simple. this woman has quit and yet she is hunting down ways to team up with the blood sucking freak to screw me over. now thats what happens when u have the power in your hands. so ya. i am basically sick and tired of her- just imagine she has quit her job and yet she finds a way to make my life miserable. I mean what gives anybody the right to mess with someone elses life?? dont u have any conscious? how can u live your life so peacefully while ruining the others like this?? u madam are a horrible, horrible, horrible person. you need to get lost now and leave me alone. let me deal with my own problems and dont add to it!!

blood sucking freak a.k.a boss

Meet the blood sucking freak from my office also known as my boss. An ass of the 3rd degree and many more words that i have dedicated from my head to him!! He comes from the land of other blood and life sucking freaks and he is here to make dinner for himself. And the dinner in this case is me..
Its amazing how ONE freak has the power to F* your entire life up. yes i said my entire life. think about it- i spend 85% of my life only in this stupid work place so ya my life is mostly here!! This blood sucking jester of darkness is going to do my evaluation tonight. of course like i said i have no other life, the evaluation is going to happen late in the night. Dont even get me started on the basis of my evaluation. It is only going to act as a platform where he can tell me as to why i am useless, and i will have to show that i am not!! surprising isnt it. This freak from deep below the burning earths core is so frustrated that he has nothing else to do but to feed on me. munchies he calls them. I have to admit i am extremely harrassed, tired and fed up. this crap has been going on for MONTHS now, and i am like- stop clinging on like a little girl and get someonelese to munch on!!
This creature deserves nothing good in life for torturing innocent people like me!!!

monday!!!

good old mondays- they somehow know how to drive you nuts. U don't need a reason to get pissed or anything, it just comes naturally. There are so many things, that u want to do or u want to say- sometimes u do it and sometimes u 'chuck it'
'Chuck it' has become my favorite word lately!! it is so convenient and your best way out of everything!! people are screwing around with you or the world is screwing around with u- 'CHUCK IT!!' it really does not help anything if you break your- head fighting or ever wondering about what next!! This works - u should try it. people might misread calling it as a care a damn attitude but its actually at a higher level than that- its taking a headache only when u REALLY need to..

sacra forda

Sacra forda- Latin for HOLY PREGNANT COW!! coz that's what this is all about!! my life and the very interesting- or rather the stuff i find interesting and shocking!!
when its good its all good till it goes bad-well almost everyone goes through this. My logic is until u have not experienced the bad u can never savor the good.
so ya even though the bad is a part and parcel of everything- it still stinks. I guess the above logic is only a support for me to get through to everything crappy that normally is going around for me!! so as the days progress u will get to know more and more about all the very happening and the not so happening stuff around me.