love are u here?

Yesterday I met up with up an acquaintance of mine and she ended up talking her heart out to me..

Her story was like this- she was brought up in a big family, had an arranged marriage at a very young age. And thats where her story of love begins- the sacrifice of giving up everything from her life at home and coming into his. The struggle of being a part of his family. the struggle of acceptance and the struggle of doing it alone. A marriage of now 15 years of love and support, to him and his family, ends. It ends with the husband having an affair. The marriage ending there would have been relatively easy, but life is never that easy- it comes with lies and insults and embarrassment- and as always it eventually ends up in pain and loneliness and yes, more pain.

And so I ended up thinking about all the very many relationships around me, so read about it and then maybe you guys can help me figure out- where is the love over here..

- The female who gave up her family, her life, her money, her everything just to be with this guy who wanted to marry her, who after staying with her for 3 months just walked out.

- Or the guy who loved her more than anything else and she ended calling the marriage a sham coz she never actually loved him in the first place

- Or the most common thing of believing in someone and that someone cheating on you, for like - forever.

- The girl who loves and trust him beyond anything, she has given herself up completely physically and mentally and he is just not ready to commit or anything for that matter, but decides to stay on with her as long as its all hunky dory, and the worse part- is that she lets him, and he gets away with it unscathed leaving her emotionally scarred- probably for life.

- The couple where- one needs the other and this significant other does not love, want or even need you and will run away at the slightest hint of a hassel?

- The guy u thought u loved but he ended up stalkin you..

- The guy who got married to you because he loved you and yet kept you hidden from the world and ultimately gets married in front of the whole world to someone else.

- The guy who married his love but yet went elsewhere following his carnal desires.

- The girl who never believed in anyone and cheated on every guy she dated.

- The girl who takes her husband for granted.

-The one who does some thousands odd things just so that the other can appreaciate..

Dont get me wrong- I am not getting you to question your relationships- I am merely stating the facts going on around me and frankly all this scares me. I have grown up in a very loving family and now I am scared that this concept really does not exist anymore. So I guess what I am trying to say is that I really don't want to fall in love if its going to be any of that...

I dont know how much I believe in love- but I know this - love makes you or breaks you. Love helps you survive most and helps you get through some of the most difficult times. It makes you wonder what would you do without it. Yes, you dont need while its not there like the very common saying- out of sight- out of mind. but I guess when it does show up on ur doorstep, it does make you so very vulnerable or gullible- which is frankly, sad. Coz u end up giving up or putting in so much of yourself - that it inevitably becomes your crutch- it becomes a drug that, if u decide to give up on u have to go through a painful detoxing phase.

So, when ur in love - u inevitably tend to mould/sharpen/edit/polish yourself to fit in- to fit in with that one, who you love. Most tend to give up a part of their selves- this is sacrifice. the part you give up could be anything- maybe a nasty habit, a bad company. changing a certain ritual for the benefit for the other- anything- good or bad.

Simply put - love is the act of loving someone very selflessly- very genuinely.

So I guess the question here is-  does this happen anymore?Is there truly some genuine love out there? is there truth in the love that u have?

for the love my day(no kidding)

I wake up with a stiffy- just the one in my neck not anything else...

As I strutter around the room like a pricey zombie. I end up wishin I was a headless zombie- it would have been more fun-- walking around like one, eating like one, talking like- --Aaarrrghhh- one. I can imagine that even in that condition I would not care for any other zombies, so if u got ur own stiff neck story to share- share it with someone else- I am not interested!!

Along with the zombie phase comes all the whining and struggling and the anger. Like Vica once said to me - for me every freakin ailment is like a killer disease & I got 2 things to say to that:

1) its in my genes to think that way &

2) WHY THE HELL SHOULDN'T I THINK THAT WAY?????

fending for your-broken-self really aint easy! so there I am all half broken, cant move and all; when I hear the rumbling in my belly (this where I very earnestly wished I had a bitch or a slave whom I could whiplash into doing some work!!)

So I rampage through my purse and find out what a bitch technology is- so no matter how many cards u may have in ur wallet the people around (stupid home delivery restaurants) wont carry a portable card machines!!! dont look so aghast I am pricey and nobody asked ur opinion. so I am like "GRRRRR!" biscuits and chips it is!

this is where the calls start!!

Call 1

Doc: U need some more test done- u may be more sick that I thought*!!! (* was sick earlier so went in for some test)

Me: WHAAA??????!!!!!

Doc: oh yea! meet me with the reports

Me : "GRRRR"

Call 2

Ass (aka ass boss): hey! this is unacceptable!! how can u expect me to do all this work??? i cant do all this! what should i do??

Me: ya whatever!! I'l get it done!! just stop harassing me.

So I wish this would end!! And here comes

Call 3

Ass: hey man u have to check the work that goes out here

Me: Whaaa???

Ass: if not then u see....

Me: fine watever just send it!!

Call 4

Wiener Whiner (aka client): Hey i didnt get it, ur boss said u blah blah blah

Me: fine u'l get it (go away! stop callin me)

and it continues- body half broken, howling stomach and yea handicapped (redundant- who asked u??)

I needed help, so I ask the neighbor

Neighbour: Awww u pooooorrrr thhhiiiiinnnnnggg (phew)go get these meds -  yourself...

Me(to self): oh I am sorry, I guess u didnt see anything broken here....

Me: ignoring

Neighbour: yelling out loud (like the prophets to the infidels)

the gods are angry with you. Ur life is cursed and evil has befallen you. it will rain locust and diseases both eating and killing you. If u want to avoid it you need to do this......

Me: TERRIFIEDDD

25 mins later..

Me: TERRIFIEDDD

60 mins later

Me: I need new neighbours!!!!

Me contemplating: Is me and my house really cursed????hmmm.. where the hell is that Breanna???

Breanna:  STOP BLAMING CRAP FOR YOUR FCK UP!!!

Me: Whaaaa...??? I like BLAMING CRAPP!

Breanna: shut up and get a life!!!

Me: I HAVE a life!!

Breanna: oh that  life is pretty fucked up!! get A NEW ONE!! and CALL YOUR MOM

Me: HEYY!!!

me calling home...sigh..i really don't have the energy for this- i think il have a red bull...

Mom: How can u be sick?????

Me: shit happens its ok- no big deal

Mom: no its not supposed to happen- u crazy???

Mom: U R SO SICK (x 4- like a horrible tape stuck)

Me: no I am not!!

Mom: ppl die with your kind of illness!!!!(read in a dramtic ultra high pitch)

Me: WHAA..........................r u mad....NO!!

Mom: YES!!

Me: NO

Mom: YES

Me: 'NOOOOOO'

Mom: fine - i'l come down there and prove it to you!!

Me: Hey NOO!! wait wait - i'l do the damn test!!

Mom: Good! lemme know ASAP!!

Docs office

Doc: Ahh! there is nothing worry about- shit happens

Me:u sure???My mom wants to know if it will kill me!!

Doc: HAR HAR! here is the bill- only cash please!

Me: zombie style : ARRGGGHHH!!

My office:

Ass: WAAAAHHH! WAAAAH!I dont wanna loose my job waaahhhhhh

Me: WTF u talking about???

Ass: WAAAAHHHH (harder)

Blood sucking freak(read my second blog): who screwed the dummy??(a book dummy)

Ass: Spontaneously : She did(finger pointing also) she took an unexpected holiday

me: holiday???!!! I was sick U DIMWIT

Blood sucking freak: WTF- u this, u that!! u screwed! u fcuked!!

Ass sits there with cheese pop corn in one hand and a large pepsi in the other & watches the show

Me: bewildered at the cowering assfaced dimwit : FCUK U ALL!! I QUIT!!!

Atmosphere: silence all around

My Atmosphere: buzzing in  my ears

Ass: NOOOOO.....hmmm. better u than mee....I got a family to feed my balls to...waaaahhhh...sniff...sniff

Me: Fck urself

(My head to me- I should sue these buggers to teach them a lesson of lifetime!!)

Call(Home)

Mom: I wanna come

Me: NOW???!!!!!

(My head to me- WTF - GREAT!!)

Mom: Yea.. I wanna see how ur doing, etc.etc.

Me: No

Mom: y, No???

Me: NOOO Not now!!!

me updating Breanna about the office

Breanna: WTF IS WRONG WITH U????

Me: errrrrr....

Breannna: I dont know how this ends up happening always!!!fine, we'll figure something out!! watever!! bye!!!!

Me: GOSH!! what a  long day huh...- 

So I go to sleep and the next morning: I wake up with another stiffy-No u ASS its my leg!!!

my leg sprained while I was sleeping!!!!really??? Wat the hell? the gods have cursed after all... I need to throw away my mattress....

grace pain & love

She is called Jacqueline, she is beautiful in more ways than one

Her name Jacqueline is perfect for her- she is a quiet beauty-  classy and sophisticated, with a such a tough exterior. She has so much happening in a her life with very few actually knowing it &  even fewer friends..

When any one meets her, they might find her, so simple, so quiet & so by herself. She is all that, but, as always, but there are layers to everything...

I first met Jackie at my 1st work place. She was dressed very simply, spoke little and got the job done. She gave u polite airs that- yes i acknowledge u, will get ur job done, but please don't hang around or expect anything else...

So I also did the polite thing of backing off...till one day we had to go to a recording together & there she was- (i wouldn't say all dressed up) but yea stunning and yes vocal- which today i define, as her being friendly :)

As the days turned into weeks and weeks into months and then years, today I am glad to have her as a very good friend of mine.

straighten up she's coming!!

Among the ultra few (good) friends that I have, lemme introduce to you Breanna

On the outside:

She is crazy strict/stern

made of crunch paper- crackling all the time

she is the one who instills fear in the minds of the losers

and completely reliable

On the inside

She is crazy strict

made of crunch paper- crackling all the time

she is the one who instills fear in the minds of the losers

and completely reliable..

Also, the best confidante,

very loving,

completely pure at heart,

very moral driven,

splash of reality in her head,

Pushes you to do great things without even u realizing it..

brings out the best in you or you want to be at your best around her.

We call her fatso (she is a 'o' sized creature), the firang, apart from terminator and Jhansi Ki Rani :)

People who are close to her realize that she is to valuable to loose..even though they may be scared of her :D

For me she has been - even without me realizing it- my pillar and my rock. I will have to admit- this woman has driven me crazy at times- as in literally crazy!!

We used to work together- till she became my boss!! and it was..kinda..bad.. it was like this bad phase completely- for both of us.

What we often discuss is everything- morals, issues, politics, everything, and a good sensible conversation is very stimulating.

Knowing her- U have to wonder how does she pull it off??(all of the above). She makes time for u and u can be yourself around her (in most ways!). She takes sincere effort to understand you, your actions, your words, everything.

So thank you Breanna for being very selflessly- you!!

my bubble

Once I had received a mail which said that- the people present at any given point of our lives are there mainly due to the circumstances around us at that point of time...

The point is that, as the circumstances slowly follow its cycle of change, these people also slowly fade into oblivion...

This is actually kinda sad in 1 perspective- coz, mostly, these are the people that make up our lives, create an impression, and some actually take another step ahead and become lovemarks for us. Lovemarks are those people or places or things that have impacted our lives so much,  that we cant do with out. And when they fade off we often question ourselves- what happened? where did it all go? how come we aren't in touch anymore? hmm...

So, I guess I am wondering now- what do we do-  to not let these important people fade off into this oblivion..

So I decided to give a sketch of all the people in my life- the subsequent blogs will be about the amazing people in my life!!!

killing yourself

Don't get misled by the title. This is not about committing suicide or something like that. This is about when ur morals and beliefs are put to test and u so miserably fail..

Generally in life there are many beliefs & morals that one live their lives by. But there are few that are so strongly followed.

The moment we give up on those beliefs & morals, is the moment we kill ourselves leaving nothing else to move on to, nothing else to believe in any more.. 

how much a part of ourselves will we be giving up every time something goes wrong with us?? what will happen when we do give away everything that we believe in- are we to move on & get new beliefs or do we just move on to a self destructive pattern... so what is that we do exactly when we screw everything that we believe in and have nothing left for ourselves??

I am really curious for answer..

To all out there reading this - seriously tell me, can any one be prepared for this or can anyone get themselves some kind of shock absorbers to help absorb the extend of the damage? can there be any sort of precautions be taken preparing you for the worst..

So when it comes to your final moment in life- we hope that it is with some dignity left. So after u have sold your soul to the devil is there any worth of u that is actually dying??

Its a lost cause..

So dont do it- no matter what the world says - the society, your best friends, your life partner says- if u don't believe it just don't do it. Coz there is just no way of getting around it, or forgetting it or even moving on - everything is lost cause from the point you give in to everyone and ignore your own beliefs. 

Imagine goin minute after minute, night after night, questioning yourself- was that right or convincing yourself that it was the right thing to do, or regretting that you shouldnt have done it....none of it - nothing is goin to help and all these people who covinced you that u did the right thing are not going to be there- and even if they are there they will not be able to help u in any sorta way.

its just gonna be u- killin yourself slowly

Making the heartless feel

I should first say that this & the earlier article has been inspired by Vica.

Vica is one person who is truly about herself- just like many of us. We go through life doing actually the very many things that WE want, whether we actually need them is quite immaterial.

What we want, often carries a lot more precedence over anything else and this causes us to take more irrational decisions that we often regret. And so many times we end up being the one losing more than we had bargained for- being the loser, hurt and in pain.. All this in an effort to make the heartless feel.

Overly emotional decisions are often the fastest & the most screwed decisions that one can make. Its actually quite funny coz, we generally take these decisions in the hope that the other might realize or understand..And more often than required this significant other also uses this to get pushed away. Simply beocz the heartless does not actually feel..